Feeling my way through the dark
by littlepiecesofme
Summary: Try to find a light on somewhere.
_Prompted by the promo photo from episode 12x15. Inspired by a KT Tunstall song._

 _Comments and thoughts always appreciated. :)_

 _._

* * *

.

"How do I look?"

Stepping out of the attendings' washroom with my makeup freshly applied and hair released into loose, sexy waves, I grin cheekily at Richard when I see him seated on the couch, paperwork in hand. The older man looks up, eyes raking over me, and he gives a succinct nod. I've got one of my favourite date outfits on – a tastefully short black skirt, my deep red blouse that shows off just the right amount of cleavage, and a tailored black jacket with heeled boots. I look hot, and I know it.

"Lookin' good. Big plans again tonight? That's twice in one week, Robbins."

I pull out a compact from my purse to check my lipstick one last time, nodding.

"Dinner. And, well..." I grin a little at my reflection, glancing up again, "you know, maybe some _dessert."_

Richard clears his throat a little uncomfortably – god, I love the man, but making him squirm has become less awkward and more plain old fun.

"Who is this lucky lady, again?"

"Uh," I drop the small mirror back in my purse, "tonight? Glasses. The preschool teacher from last trivia night."

"She must have a _name_."

"Rachel...something."

Shaking his head a little, Richard lets out a sigh, and he pushes himself off the couch to cross the room toward me.

"Robbins, what are you doing?"

I raise an eyebrow slightly at his tone, roller ball perfume in hand as I dab a little of the scent on my wrists.

"Well, I'd rather not smell like an OR when I go on a date."

"No, I mean – what are you doing?You've got more women on the go than I can keep track of, and I'm your damn wingman! I thought you liked..." he pauses, thinking, "what was her name...artisanal soap girl."

"Sure," I shrug a bit, dropping the perfume back in my purse as well, "she's cute, I saw her a few times. It's nothing serious though."

"That's what I mean," he stands, coming over toward me, pointing, "why not? She seemed like a lovely woman – she was smart, attractive," he waves his hand a bit, "she seemed fun, like yourself. Why haven't you asked her out again?"

"She makes _soap_ , Richard—"

"She said she owns her own company. She sounded like quite the accomplished businesswoman to me."

"She has a kid; it's complicated."

" _You_ have a child – that doesn't have to be complicated. In fact, that probably makes you even better suited to understanding each others' lives."

"She's just..." I shrug a shoulder, smoothing my jacket down a bit, "I don't know."

Richard slides a hand over my shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze, and he looks at me for a solid moment before speaking again.

"Why aren't you giving any of these women a real chance?"

His words tumble out softly, and I see genuine concern in his eyes – concern and something else I can't quite place. Richard has been good to me; he's become a really good friend over the last six months, and an excellent companion for going out to the bar...but sometimes I wish he didn't have the ability to read people quite so well.

"They're just..."

I know what the true reason is but I've been trying to ignore it, to avoid admitting it. Trying to push it down into the furthest recesses of my mind so I can just let go, just...not deal with it. But Richard waits patiently, a questioning look in his eyes as he watches me. I know he's not going to accept one of my flippant answers this time.

"They're not Callie. Okay? They're great women – gorgeous women – but.. _._ "

A slight hum leaves his lips, and he crosses his arms over his chest, considering my answer. It's not like he hadn't already figured that out – try as I might, I don't think I've been very subtle about my continued feelings for my ex-wife.

"Arizona..."

"Just—" I interrupt him, holding a hand up, "save it, Richard."

"Why don't you call soap girl again, after tonight? – you really did sound happy the last time you saw her."

"I _can't._ I can't go out with her again – I could tell she really liked me, and I just...I don't..."

Frustrated now, I let out a heavy sigh, brushing a stray curl of hair back. He's right; of course he's right - Michelle was pretty great. We hit it off right away at the bar, and we'd had a great couple of nights together over the last month, both conversationally and physically. She's smart, nice, ambitious, funny – she's undeniably gorgeous. Her daughter is only two years older than Sofia. In almost every way, she's perfect for me.

Every way but one.

Richard tilts his head a little, a sympathetic - and understanding - look emerging as he watches me. The ridiculousness of my statement has me letting out a heavy sigh again, and I just shake my head, unable to meet my friend's eyes.

"Torres is in a relationship."

"She is," I reply almost wistfully, internally chastising myself, "and I know I need to get over her. I need to accept that Callie and I are never going to be an 'us' again, it's just- "

"What if you don't."

A familiar voice makes me turn in an instant, my eyes going wide as I see Callie standing just inside the door to the lounge. Her voice lingers over the words, at once sounding both timid and strong, and her eyes meet mine for the briefest of moments as I feel my heart start to pound in my chest.

"What?"

I swallow forcefully, questioning the brunette as she remains standing several feet away.

"What if you don't..." her voice softens, and she hesitates, "have to get over me."

I feel a warm hand at my back and blink up in surprise to see Richard still standing there. He looks me in the eye for a brief moment before nodding toward the door.

"I'm just going to-"

"No. Richard, stay."

My gaze flickers back over to Callie and I give her what I'm sure is an incredulous look. My heart is still pounding wildly - part of me happy beyond measure at the other woman's words, but part of me incensed with a hurt and an anger that is swiftly taking over.

"Arizona...I had no idea you still felt that way about me. I thought...I mean...I walked away from us, I know I hurt you...I honestly didn't think the idea of 'us' was even on the table anymore. We were so broken."

The words tumble from her mouth in a hurry, her eyes hopeful in a way I'm somewhat shocked to see after all this time.

"But if I'd known that you were still an option..."

"No, I do. I _do_ have to get over you."

I take a step closer to the taller woman, the anger bubbling over and pushing down whatever other feelings are rushing through my body.

"You don't get to give up on us, on our _marriage_ , and then come back two years later and claim something like this. You don't get to move on and then...and then decide, what? That there's nothing better out there, so may as well give me a try again?"

I swallow a lump in my throat, the words bitterly leaving my lips as I stare at her.

"You broke my _heart_ , Callie. You tore my heart out of my chest and left it bleeding on the floor. So yeah - I do. I have to get over you."

A tense silence falls over the small room and I force my eyes away from the emotive brown ones in front of me, turning to grab my purse off the table. I can't deal with this right now. I don't know if I can deal with this at _all_. The grip that she still has on me, on my emotions, after almost two years apart is almost frightening and I don't think my heart can handle any more. The only thing I can do right now is walk away.

"I've gotta fly. I've got plans."

.

* * *

.

The gallery has emptied out, along with the OR below us, but I'm glued to my seat as I watch the orthopedic surgeon say a few final words to her scrub nurse as the patient is wheeled out and taken off to recovery. The rest of the crew trickles out and finally the brunette heads into the scrub room, leaving me with nothing but a heavy sigh and a preoccupied mind, my leg bouncing anxiously in the chair.

Making an impulsive decision, I stand and head down from the gallery, pushing my way into the scrub room before I can let rational thought change my mind.

"What did you mean the other day?"

Callie's eyes snap up at my entrance, a look of surprise quickly crossing her features. She looks at me for a brief moment and then diverts her eyes back to the task at hand, running her toned forearms under the water to clear them of soap.

"I meant what I said, Arizona."

"You're in a relationship."

"With Penny? No, I'm not. That ended weeks ago."

She meticulously rinses her hands and steps off the water controls, lightly shaking droplets of water into the sink before turning to grab a clean towel.

"So, I'm just second best. Option B. You didn't miss me enough two years ago, but now that you're alone again-"

"Arizona."

The way she says my name - the way her voice softly rolls over it, tinged with a wistful, almost longing lilt - is enough to crack my very foundations. And the way her eyes meet mine - a look that I haven't seen in a very long time radiating from them - as she speaks softly again has me swallowing back a sudden rise of emotions.

"I think you know what I mean. _She_ was second best. She wasn't _you_."

Before I even realize what I'm doing, before I can process another thought, my body is drawn to hers, my hands reaching to grip the collar of her scrub top as I back her against the sink and kiss her forcefully. She lets out a surprised breath against my lips and it only spurs me on, my fingers trailing up her neck to cup the back of her head as I pull us closer, deepening the kiss with a bite to her lower lip and a soft caress of my tongue against hers. She's kissing me back - this isn't one-sided - and _god_ , it has been far too long since I have felt this kind of fire running through my veins.

"I am so mad at you."

I let the words out breathlessly, punctuating them with another, deeper kiss, and my hands cup her cheeks as she presses her body even closer.

"I am..." I close my eyes for a moment, willing back the tears, and nip at her lip to demand entrance again, "so mad, Calliope."

"I know."

She manages to get a reply in, her voice husky and deep with arousal, and she turns us, strong arms backing me into the door instead. She kisses me once, twice more, and then her eyes flutter shut for the briefest moment before her penetrating gaze lands on me again, emotion clearly painted across her face.

"We wasted two _years_ , Callie-"

"We're better now," she dips her head, pressing a softer, gentler kiss to my jaw as she murmurs, "we can _be_ better. It's always been you, Arizona. And if you think you could love me again..."

Her voice remains softer, a warm palm curling around my neck as she lets her forehead rest against mine. Our lips are almost touching, her breath whispering against me as I let my eyes meet hers, and despite the anger, despite the frustration and the bitterness and everything else she's made me feel over the last few years...all my heart can feel is love. An irresistible, insatiable love.

"I never stopped."

My grip on her scrub top lightens a little and I let my hands smooth down over her ribs, settling on the curve of her waist. Her eyes are hopeful, and sorrowful, and filled with an undeniable affection as I speak again softly, feeling her slight intake of air beneath my palms.

"I never stopped, Calliope."

I tilt my face up to meet her and this kiss is gentler, less forceful and hurried. Her tongue lightly traces my bottom lip and she sighs softly, and it is both immeasurably tender and completely possessive all at the same time. This kiss, this moment...it feels like coming home. Like someone, somewhere, left a light on for us – a light that could never waver; would never go out. A light that could lead us back to one another.

And maybe, just maybe...we've finally found our way through the dark.

.


End file.
